Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 02-13-2007, 07:31 PM   #1

seapuppy's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Everett Wa
Posts: 4,681
Default Martha Stewarts etiquette for Rednecks...

Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
__________________________________________________ ___
1. When decanting wine from the box, make sure that you tilt the
paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.
__________________________________________________ ___
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his
manners are.
__________________________________________________ ___
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger
__________________________________________________ ____
DATING (Outside the Family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting
to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two
years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the
answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
__________________________________________________ ____
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have
proven they can't hear you.
__________________________________________________ ____
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this
special occasion.
__________________________________________________ ____
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is
loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession


Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
SSN683 Association member
Par Excellence
2008 Bayliner 340 - "Wild Whim"
I live in my own little world....but it's okay-they know me here!!!

Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.

Anyone that sez "Size doesn't matter" has never owned a boat!
seapuppy is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Trailer serial # Flying_Maxum Maxum Owners General Discussions 5 03-28-2007 02:58 PM

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:23 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.