Ponderisms...

[seapuppy]

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.



* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.



* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.



* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.



* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.



* Life is sexually transmitted.



* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.



* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.



* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.



* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.



* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?



* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.



* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.



* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.



* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?



* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"



* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."



* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?



* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?



* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?



* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?



* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?



* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?



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